We accumulate our life experiences as a blanket, a wall, a series of blocks or scars and in many other ways, carrying this with us into every interaction, expectation, experience and desire. We are moulded, good, bad, indifferent or exquisite, by all that we experience in our lives and how we
subsequently process those events then shapes and colours our continuous stream of present moments.
For some, life is like water moving through and around us, for others it becomes a scar that is frequently tripped over, for more, a drawing pin that holds us fast, stopping the sense of all freedom of choice.
Some of us who can see all of this within ourselves and are at different stages on the path of releasing, unravelling, letting go and climbing on top. Some of us are drowning under the weight of our perceived problems, some, many, of us are totally numb to it all. Life is just one big party and pass me the next drink/joint/line/purchase/ sugar hit etc. The wall is still ahead and will eventually be hit.
I have great affection for the wall when it is hit. So much pain so fast, but the raft of opportunity that is fallen upon is so very mind-blowing. Hitting the bottom, landing in the mud, fingers just grasping at the edge of the raft, is an awful experience, I know, and please do not think I am making light of it as an experience, but for all its trials, pains and agonies it is a Mantle of Grace that softly falls around our shoulders and gives us the ability to fly upwards into the light. To change, to transform, to finally see what is happening, to truly feel how divine our short time here can be.
There are names for this experience: The Dark Night of the Soul is the classic, but these are rarely referred to now as the chosen method of dealing with excess emotional pain is medication. Numb me, please, I beg you. I cannot bear another moment of recognising how I really feel.
The swathes of mind-numbing legal medications available are wild. The figures telling how many people are using the option means one must look around and think: Gosh, that is an army of people I know who are dead to their opportunities, options and experiences. Please do not think I make a judgement. I do not. I know how painful it can get and the amount of exercise, meditation, yoga, mantra, acceptance and letting go it takes to alleviate the agony is becoming a real adventure.
The past two years have seen an intense escalation in stress levels, fear, intensity and violence for all of us. What we have become inured to, in our daily life, is so sad: images that 3 years ago would have been unthinkable are now commonplace for 2 year olds to stare at from their prams. Nothing appears sacred to the masses, life is cheap, the future is over and we stare at a Hollywood projection of what is to come believing that they must know because a celebrity is in it.
Feel peeled. It is what is happening. Feel raw. We are. We have been flayed by all that has passed these last few years; all boundaries are broken, nothing is as it was and it cannot return there. The innocence has gone.
The date changes in a week. 2010. All adjusts, all moves into another place. Personally I cannot imagine it will be easier but does it really have to be? Can it not just be what it is? An opportunity to hone ourselves, personally, to grow, to change, to move beyond the small confines of all that we decided we could do, of all that our experiences led us to think that we are capable of? We are each of us so much more than we think, believe or know.
Lets dance with this next year. Spiral and spin into new realms of consciousness, let go of limiting beliefs about ourselves, swirl into the next year with a smile ready to catch all that is thrown at us and hold it with as much grace and acceptance as we can muster. Stand up and be original in thought and expression.